It is so hard to believe that just one year ago mom went in to the hospital for what was supposed to be a routine surgery. I talked her to her that morning on my way to work and her way to the hospital. I reminded my boyfriend to say an extra prayer for her that morning. I got to work and taught my students Spanish something. I was trying to be engaging, but kept thinking about mom. After my second block class let out at 11:10, I checked my phone to see if I had messages. I had a text from Katie saying mom was out of surgery. A little while later during my planning block Katie called me right as two of my students came to my room to ask me some questions about a project I had just assigned. She told me the doctors had found cancer. I was sitting in my classroom chair flabbergasted. I felt my face getting hot and I didn't want to flip out in front of my students. Katie told me that dad wanted her to wait until after I left work to tell me so I wouldn't have a tough afternoon, but she knew that I would want to know right then and there. I hung up quickly and just started crying in front of my students. I don't know how I made it through the rest of the day, or the three-hour teacher seminar after school. That day was so gut-wrenching. Every day since then has been gut-wrenching to one degree or another.
Just a few days before mom's Monday operation I was on the phone with her as I was getting ready to go to a friend's wedding. She was trying to sound upbeat and interested about what I was wearing and who would be there etc. But in the middle of talking she burst into tears and said she was just in so much pain. I remember telling her that Monday was just a few days away and wasn't it good that she would be having the operation so her pain would go away. Little did we know that it would only go away after a hellish year of treatments, all to end with her moving on to the next life. I would probably have spit in anyone's face if they'd told me that then.
Life changes so quickly. One second can determine the rest of your life, let alone a day, week, month or year. I am so bitter about cancer and always will be. One thing despite it all that I'm happy about is all the time I got to spend with mom this past year. Thank God for my teaching job and the schedule that allowed me to go to Florida so frequently. We had some bad times and some good times and some fun. We got to talk a lot about what matters most in life.
Don't put off for tomorrow what you can to do today. Tell your family you love them. Call up an old friend. Let go of grudges. Try something you've always want to. Help someone. Smile. Laugh. Live. Because next year you-or they may not be around anymore.
4 comments:
I understand what you are going through. I lost my only sister Mary to ppc on Aug.1st. Cancer has taken her away from us.She was so brave yet suffered so much pain. She called it "The Dragon". I love and miss her very much. I am glad that we had 10 months to show her how much she was loved. My thoughts are with you and your family. Lilly.
First and most importantly I feel your sorrow at the loss of your mother. There is nothing that can fill the hole left in your heart. I just lost my mother in law yesterday to PPC. She fought a good fight since April 2008 and is now free at last. I loved her as my own mother and will miss her. My prayers are with your family and to all those who are going through this same battle.
Terry
Hello Kimberly!
I wanted to let you know about an interesting cancer blog a group of cancer patients have been working on.
A fellow tongue cancer patient was sent home to die. There was nothing more that can be done. Cancer survivors ask him life altering questions.
Please read: Dead Man Talking http://beyondtheglassdoor.blogspot.com
Peace B
"Life changes so quickly", that is true. Sometimes we feel that a year like a day..
Hey, may God bless your mother.
by Peritoneal Cancer Blog
Post a Comment